I heart Ryan Adams
“Sweet Illusions”
Let me go I’m only letting you down
I ‘ve got nothing to say to you now
I lose the feelings that are weighing me down
When I’m safe
It’s turning morning all the birds sing
I’m not complicating anything
I’ll have another then I’ll go to bed
But I’ll dream of you
Cause it’s almost over
And it’s almost gone
And I can feel the sweet illusion, coming
Sweet confusion, honey
Sweet illusion coming down
And I ain’t got nothing but love for you now
You and I used to shine like a jewel
But times been nothing to us but cruel
So play it out and never played the fool
Cause you’ll lose every time
We were nothing, we were only the past
Hard times like that don’t last
I’ve been forgiven, I’ve been surpassed
By my heart
Have you?
Cause it’s almost over
Yeah it’s almost gone
And I can feel the Sweet Illusion coming
Sweet Confusion, honey
Sweet Illusion coming down
And I ain’t got nothing but love for you
Love for you I can’t use
And lonely nights multiplied by the blues
That I can’t resolve
You never knew me but I did my best
I’m just lonely inside I guess
You gave me everything you really tried
Thanks….
If we were nothing and we’re only the past
Then I’m just living in a dream I guess
A long black dream that takes me down the river to you
Where it’s almost over
And we’re almost gone
And I can feel the Sweet Illusion coming
Sweet Confusion, honey
Sweet Illusion coming down
And I ain’t got nothing but love for you now
oh febuary
Cheers for 2010…Last year was such a mess…it’s 3 am and I can’t sleep…I miss her everyday, and I still get nightmares about that day, even though on the day to day things are going well…I am excited to watch every leaf unfold. I think that I lead a really interesting life…i heard a cool quote recently that said “I would rather make interesting mistakes than have safe successes.” I dont think my life is full of mistakes, but every bump and turn has made for the outcome. Whatever reasons that have led me to Thailand have made me so incredibly grateful. I love so many things about this place…the monks, the jungle, the thai writing, the language…there are so many intriguing and amazing things here!
two steps forward
but, i knew you first back when love was underneath you with my fingers in the dirt,
you said “i’ll stop if it hurts”…
Have I mentioned…
how much I love these kids? I never anticipated loving my students so much. But I love these little guys! They are so incredibly clever, they amaze me every day. I am nervous about leaving Thailand because I have become so attached to these little ones. They say my name “Miz BranDEE” with an emphasis on the last part of my name. I feel so lucky to have gotten to work with them.
I think recently I have accomplished one of my greatest feats…I have taught them to read! Yes! They can read now. I feel so excited and happy for them. Sometimes I can help but wonder where these little guys are going in the big world. They are so full of life, and find such zest in the smallest things. They have helped liven my spirit…last year was a rough one, and I think eleven three year olds were just what the doctor ordered. Can I take them with me?
Sports Day!
Fluke
Bank
Mind and Keng
BB at the Christmas Party
Cha-cha-cha-changes!
katya the great!
Song of the moment:
I Go To The Barn Because I Like The by band of horses
Well i’d like to think i’m the mess you’d wear with pride.
like some empty dress on the bed you’ve layed out for tonight.
maybe i’ll tell you sometime.
time.sometime.
and you were right.
right.
you were right
outside by your doorstep
in a worn out suit and tie
i’ll wait
for you to come down
where you’ll find me
where we’ll shine
oh
so changes, changes, changes!
I think I am the greatest of chameleons…but after switching my life up so much, I am returning to Hawaii. I am very excited, and going back to my old job. I am ready for something more permanent, and camp has always been a place that I love, and my family. It feels right, in my heart, and so I am going with it. I am staying till March or April in thailandia, than jetting back to hawaii. WIll explain more in a bit. I am grateful that camp is taking me back with open arms, and extremely excited for 2010 and where it will take me.
EXPECT MIRACLES!
This is love
“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” -Rumi
beach near camp
…
“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
temple near Chumphon
the cup is full
Koh Sichang
So after a drama filled bittersweet Saturday night, I find myself in a funk on this beautiful Sunday in Bangkok. I went to lunch with a good friend, I went for a walk, I went to the book store… Finally I found clarity at the little temple down the street. I have been going there a lot recently, and its helped me in ways I can’t put in words. When I left for Thailand one of the last things my mother said to me was that she hoped I found my spiritual side here. I believe, very much so, that I have… On a side note, I’ve been obsessed with the image of Ganesha lately. I see it everywhere, I dream about it, I am very intrigued by the image, and I am not sure why.
Once a friend told me to “expect miracles” and I never really thought about it until recently. I do believe, with all my heart, that my life is full of miracles, and I feel bigger and better ones coming this way. I think it comes down to taking a step back and reflecting, and realizing just how lucky I am. I am excited for 2010. I think its going to be a wonderful year. 2009 was full of gains and losses, but I was living, whole heartedly. And maybe I am just passionate, or crazy, but I love that I love and feel so much. I am so grateful that my cup is so full. I live in a beautiful place, and my life is filled with the most wonderful people. Thanks to everyone who contributes to it. xoxoxo
sigh…
What we don’t let out traps us. We think, No one else feels this way, I must be crazy. So we don’t say anything. And we become enveloped by a deep loneliness, not knowing where our feelings come from or what to do with them. Why do I feel this way? Last week, I was on top of the world and now my feelings don’t make sense. Voicing it, getting it out and letting other people hear it, helps to dissipate it. The fears and self-criticisms begin to leak. And we begin to heal. In the same way, if we feel deeply about something and voice it, then we’re made whole by standing up for ourselves and what we believe.
-Sabrina Ward Harrison
Monkey Invasion!
-
- Here is me and my school of monkeys!
-
- monkeys everywhere!
So the weekend before last I went to Lopburi to a monkey buffet festival. No, no, no, they don’t actually eat the monkeys…they feed the monkeys a buffet. Basically the whole town is running rampid with monkeys. Everywhere! Power lines, empty cars, alleys, temples, shops, anywhere! It was so bizarre, like a science fiction film from the eighties. And they steal everything! There were signs everywhere to watch your purse because the monkeys will grab it. So funny. They definitely stole my friends water bottle and she went sprinting after them…it was hilarious. It was a very good day…
chicken little
from Wikipedia:
“The Sky Is Falling, better known as Chicken Licken, Henny Penny or Chicken Little is an old cumulative tale and fable about a chicken (or a hare in early versions) who believes the sky is falling. The phrase, “The sky is falling,” has passed into the English language as a common idiom indicating a hysterical or mistaken belief that disaster is imminent.”
